Monday, June 07, 2010
I feel that I have neglected this blog for too long. Looking back at my really old posts, I feel (and this is entirely my own personal opinion) that I was witty enough and that I had a pretty good sense of humour. Now, I just feel so angsty.. that I have far too many issues to write anything of interest to anyone --or to myself even. I think I can honestly say that I miss the "old" me -- not that I'd give up any of the "new" me... It's just hard to have transitioned into who I am now and hope to find traces of the person that I had thought myself to be. Does any of this make sense anyway???! Work is stressful - but that isn't something that's unique to my job. everyone has their own form of stress regardless of what their job description is. I feel the need to inject some passion in my life, to do something that that inspires me and makes me feel crazy-alive. I think I need a career-change or a life-change. I think I think too much and that I don't spend enough time actually thinking. I'm a lost "grown-up". I've lost the child in me.
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
5:57 PM
21 Guns Do you know what's worth fighting for?
Green Day
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
9:48 PM
For the first time in ages, I actually had time to sit down and have breakfast before going to work. I was halfway through breakfast and going through our preso when my Lola came down to eat. I had the O-D-D-E-S-T conversation with her.
Lola: How old will you be in October?
Me: 28
Lola: 28? So kelan ka mag-aasawa?
Me: Ha??? Hindi ko pa talaga iniisip yun Lola.
Lola: Good good. Dapat mga pag-30 ka nalang ikasal.
(This is odd because in past conversations, she wanted me to go and get married so I could give her great-grandchildren! Tapos ngayon... weird!)
Lola: You don't drive your car to work ba? Bakit lagi nanjan sa garage?
Me: Lola, I drive to work. Coding lang ako yesterday kaya I didn't bring my car.
(Bet you she only saw my car yesterday = LAGI/ PARATI ko iniiwan!!! Ayus!)
Me: Excuse me, Lola. I have to leave for work already. (as I get up from my seat)
Lola: 'Family given nickname' (which I refuse to disclose, especially not in cyberspace!), ano yang damit mo? Psychedelic yan diba?
Me: (eyes as big as saucers) Ha??!! Yes Lola, my dress is psychedelic.
(Wow, GROOVY!!!)
*** *** ***
In other news, I got this message from my Mum this morning:
"Am trying Globe's Tracker service. They might text you to ask for your permission to be tracked."
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghht!!! YUN LANG!
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
3:58 PM
I've been painfully reminded that ghosts will always be ghosts and when you least expect it, they'll come back to haunt you. The past few weeks with last night's culminating activity has got me desperately begging for an exorcism. Just when I think things are okay, they all come out one by one and bite me in the ass. It's exhausting really. I just wanna lie in bed and forget about everything. If this keeps up, I don't know how long I'll last.
A few weeks back, my most favorite pair of flipflops met its untimely demise. I had just gotten home, I was about to step out of the car when the strap just snapped. Weird! I didn't know that it was possible to destroy a pair of havaianas. I always thought that these were borderline invincible --this pair in particular cos I've been toting this to anywhere and everywhere. This is my most used pair and this specifically has a lot of history and sentimental value.. but then again, recent events have lead me to believe that I may very well be mistaken and that what I gave value to may not deserve that kind of appraisal. I always think that it's better to be quiet or uninvolved rather than to throw a Tupperware party. Or when it's unavoidable, try not to be so transparent when your face is in plain view of other people who actually care. It's insulting really but at least I know better than to hold on to something that was never there in the first place.
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
7:57 PM
Things here at the Machineshop really happen at warp speed. In 4 hours, I will find myself on board an airplane that will take me to the NMHQ in BKK (that would've been a mouhful, really!) I'm excited and petrified at the same time.. but as with all new adventures--it'll be character building. Thundercats are GOoooo!!! :p
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
8:39 PM
After months and months of putting it off, I finally went to see the dentist yesterday and as expected, I needed to have a tooth extracted. Actually, I need to have 5 more extracted but I'm going to schedule the trauma from that experience at a time when I'm more emotionally prepared. Kudos to my new dentist cos it didn't hurt much. I'm just in a really foul mood now because my gum's bleeding still and I've been hungry for 2 days!!! I stupidly put off breakfast and lunch before seeing the dentist and obviously, I couldn't eat anything after the extraction so you can just imagine how HUNGRY I am! I never thought that having to eat ice cream would ever make me sad. It's really depressing.. This is so NOT the perfect remedy for the birthday blues.. :-(
Oddly so, I managed to ge a smoke in before heading up to the dentist's office. (Yes, my priorities are warped-- OBVIOUSLY!!!) I was standing in front of the chapel but I could no for the life of me bring myself to just go inside and talk to Him. It's been awhile.. I sucked on my 'last cigarette' watching people go in and out of the chapel, with no hesitations, no second thoughts. I wonder how faith seems so easy, so natural for them and why it seems so hard for me..
I'm probably not making any real sense.. Hunger makes the mind go wilder! Somebody help me! :-(
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
8:46 PM
I haven't blogged in such a loooong time. I feel that I have somehow lost the ability to organize my messy thoughts into a seemingly organized post.. I just find it so weird and mildly disturbing that I can't freakin' write when this has always been one of my best outlets.. especially now when there are so many things going on. It's so frustrating! Ugh!
*** *** ***
When all else fails, I post a 'theme song'.. not mine necessarily but just a 'theme song'.. :p
BAD HABIT
Destiny's Child
How many times
Are you gonna apologize about the same thing
And how many times can I take you back
When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong
(When I'm not the one that's doin' wrong, yeah)
I thought maybe if I started prayin'
That we would get better, but
When I would pray the answer would always come back to me bein' done
But we are so hard headed when we're in love
So I
I told myself that I would make some changes
But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same
I can't seem to shake ya
You seem to really have a hold on me
And everytime that we break up
We turn around and make up
This can't go on now
I gotta move on now
It's not the fact that I don't love you no more
But I gotta break this bad habit
Can't take his bad habit no more
I'm totally out of my element
Learnin' new ways to live, while your in a comfort zone
Not even thinkin, (you couldn't think about me) to call
And then when I get mad you buy me gifts
Thinkin' it's gonna solve every issue
From the girl callin my phone, to the pictures that I saw
And every time you would break up with me for nothing at all
I've takin all I could take (I've takin all I could take)
But the way I live has gotta change, oh
Let me break it down
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you was just to blind to see
Past, all of the pain they was causin' you
Ladies do you feel me (do you feel me)
Have you ever loved somebody
So much that you went against the right things that you should do
Then it's time to make a change
So I
unleashed by.:: v ::. at
12:13 AM